Surviving Benson
by actionman81
Summary: Olivia rethinks her relationships after surviving her assault by Lewis.
1. Chapter 1

"My old partner, he'd know what to do. He wouldn't question himself after what you've done. He'd kick your teeth in, break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face. Maybe I should call him"  
"Maybe I should call him" Olivia thought back to her words at Lewis, once she'd turned the tables on him, wielding her gun at him after he'd used it on her as a means of control, coercion and capture. Now she lay in bed, safe in her own apartment, months after her attack, kidnap and torture. She'd survive, and while her physical scars had healed, her emotional ones were still raw, still gnawing at her psyche.  
"Liv" Brian Cassidy exited the bathroom, dressed in a fluffy white robe, looking uncharacteristically clean for a change  
"Oh" she looked up from her thoughts  
"You ok?" he was genuinely concerned  
"Yeah, sure" she smiled. She thought she was.  
He tried to slip into the bed, but looked more like a bear pawing at a water faring fish  
Olivia leaned back

That night, she slept fitfully  
"I bet you're thinking of someone you'd give anything to see again" Lewis' voice played in her head  
Even in her sleep, Olivia's face was a mix of a grimace and a smile as she was plagued by conflicting thoughts, fear for her safety and a vision of Elliot  
"Liv?" Cassidy leaned close to her as she lay asleep, "You ok? I was kind of-" he reached out a hand to check on her  
Liv instinctively turned back and elbowed him in the face  
"Jesus Liv!" he held his nose like Marcia Brady  
"Brian, I" she started, but he waved her off  
She thought back to something her psychologist had mentioned, "You're reevaluating your home, your relationship, and I wonder if you've given any thought to the toll your job takes"  
"Reevaluating my relationship" she thought  
"I was just checking on you" Cassidy stared daggers at her, "I'm not stupid enough to try anything"  
"Brian it's not that" she began  
"I know" he cut her off, "Look I'm going to wash this up and then I'll be out of your hair"  
Olivia opened her mouth, but no words came out. It wouldn't have mattered. By then, Cassidy was in the bathroom with the door shut as he tended to his nose  
"I should have called Elliot" she referred to her experience with Lewis and her missed opportunity, "But I survived, I got out, I-" she remembered her primal rage when she beat Lewis to a bloody pulp with the bed rod  
"There's no time like the present" she thought, and picked up her cell phone. She slipped out of bed, walked to the kitchen to heat up some water, and dialed the number she knew by heart. Olivia stared at the LCD readout on her phone, "Elliot"


	2. Chapter 2

Brian Cassidy pinched his nose and leaned forward over the sink. Crimson stains appeared on the white porcelain. "She's having a rough night" he rationalized, "just a rough night. It's been hard for her" he looked up at his reflection, his face still pointed downwards  
"Maybe I should go sleep on the sofa" he called to Olivia. There was no answer

The ringtone sounded monotonous as Olivia pressed her cell phone against her ear. Her thoughts drifted back to words she had told Quinn, a corrupt cop earlier,  
"You love him, don't you? You're forty years old, wondering if you'll ever have a family - or if riding around with him will be enough for the rest of your life. Did you really think he'd leave his wife and kids for you? You spent the last five years hoping he'd suddenly turn and realize you're the woman he can't live without."  
Of course, anyone listening to their conversation would have obviously thought Olivia was talking about Elliot, but they'd be wrong. Elliot had said more than enough during their years partnered; during a harrowing case involving a kidnapper, Olivia had gotten her neck cut. Blood had gushed through the wound and though she was relatively unharmed and had urged him to go after the perpetrator, Elliot had stayed by her side. Unfortunately, this action of his had cost them not only the case, but both young victims' lives. Olivia remembered the conversation they had had after the case, as they sat alone on a bench, "If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it... I know you would have taken the shot, Olivia"  
"No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death, Elliot? What about your kids?"  
"I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head"  
"What about me?"  
"Look, we both chose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise... we can't be partners"  
"I can't believe you're saying that"  
"You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that"  
That conversation had spoken volumes about their relationship. Their closeness was something that the squad room knew all about. Fin had joked that he watched Olivia's back, instead of how Elliot watched "her backside". Captain Cragen knew she was devastated when she'd heard the news of how Elliot had resigned.

Elliot Stabler dozed on a battered couch while the TV blared on. On the end table, photographs of his five children stood; each child's photograph in its own frame. Prominently missing was a photo of his wife Kathy.  
Asleep, Elliot was back in his house, with Kathy and his kids. An argument was in full force  
"You resigned?" she shouted, "What were you thinking?"  
"I didn't have a choice"  
"Oh you didn't?" she looked at her husband incredulously , "Maybe you forgot about your five children!"  
"Maureen's moved out already" he sighed  
"And what about Richard and Elizabeth's college payments. And Eli's school fees" she fumed, "Who's going to take care of those?"  
"I'll take care of it" he shouted back  
How could he tell her what was really going on? Elliot opened his eyes and listened. The tinny jingle of his cell phone's ring sounded far off. He picked his head up off the threadbare pillow and listened again  
"Who would call now?" It had been years since he'd heard from anyone from his former life, but that was the price he had to pay. "Let's hope it's worth the cost" he spoke of both his sacrifice as well as the disturbance in his sleep as he got up off the couch and slowly made his way to the bedroom, where his phone lay trilling on the side table. He held it in his hand and stared at the ID light that blinked a single word, "Olivia"


	3. Chapter 3

"Liv?" Brian Cassidy stepped into the kitchen. Olivia turned around, the phone still pressed to her ear, "Oh" he realized "Work?" he was quiet. Olivia nodded, lying. Brian, for his part, left her alone and padded back to the bedroom  
"Another rough night" Cassidy sat on the bed. It had been like this for months now. "Maybe moving in together was a bad idea". Every few weeks, it seemed like he was banished from the bedroom, forced to sleep on the couch and nursed a bruised orbit, nose or cheek. Tonight was just another in a seemingly endless stream of "accidents" and later apologies. "It's not her fault" he stood up, "No sense making her feel worse tonight" he slipped on a pair of shoes and shrugged his jacket on, "I'm heading out" he called from the front door. Olivia nodded, her ear still glued to the phone

Elliot stared at the caller identification readout that flashed on the cell phone screen. He sighed, tossed it back on the bed and turned around. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to let her know that he was alright, and most of all, he wanted to let her know—he couldn't let himself finish that thought.

Olivia sighed. She wanted to leave a message on his voice mail, but even that had changed. The familiar greeting had been replaced with a mechanical voice. "No one is there to answer your call" and the following beep of the machine. She didn't what sort of message to leave, so she hung up. "Brian?" she called, and looked around. Then she remembered that he had left the apartment, "Where would he go at this time of night?" she sighed. Even though he'd just left, Brian was actually the last thought from her mind. All she could do was fixate on Captain Cragen's words, "Elliot put in his papers"

At the apartment, Elliot lay back across the length of the sofa. More than anything else, he'd wanted to answer that phone call from Olivia, but he hadn't and he couldn't. The worst part was that there was nothing he could do about it. He'd given Captain Cragen his sworn statement, a verbal commitment of sorts,

"Nobody can know about this" Don Cragen had pushed the papers across his desk  
Elliot had faced his commanding officer; "this" did not just mean the unopened paperwork, but rather the entire assignment, that he'd been briefed on earlier

Elliot was roused from his reverie by a loud knock at the door, "Keller" the man's voice from behind the paneling tore through Elliot's thought. "Keller" he barked again  
"Yeah, I'm up" Elliot snapped open his eyes


	4. Chapter 4

Elliot found himself sitting in Stuart's van, "Just wait man" Stuart grinned, "this will be sweet"  
Elliot forced a smile, "Right" he nodded. The ride downtown took time and while the rode, Elliot thought back to Don Cragen's reasoning that day, years ago, "nobody can know about this. Not even Olivia" he'd been grim about the private proceedings.  
"I can't do that" Elliot had been vehement about his feelings  
"Then take your chances with Tucker at IAB again" Cragen was curt  
"Fine" Elliot sounded like he'd lost his best friend, because he was going to.  
"You'll tail Larson, befriend him and get into his good graces" Cragen showed him a photograph of the target  
"For how long?" Elliot fingered the photo, "I can't keep Kathy dangling on something like this"  
"As far as she knows," Cragen explained, "you've resigned. In fact, as far as anyone's concerned, you've resigned"  
"I can't stand to keep Liv out of this"  
"Get used to it, Detective" Cragen was blunt, "or should I say Elliot Keller"  
In Stuart's van, Elliot was jolted back to the present as the vehicle halted abruptly  
"We can't be there yet?" Elliot turned to the driver  
"Nah" Stuart was nonchalant, "there's still a ways to go"  
Elliot glanced around at the intersection. The van had driven past his, that is, "Keller's" apartment and was now farther away from the business sector. The surroundings were very familiar to Elliot, "My old neighborhood" he had fleeting visions of Kathy and the kids.  
As if on cue, Kathy appeared on the sidewalk, several feet from the van, one hand encumbered with a small shopping cart of groceries, the other hand held onto a little boy  
"Eli" Elliot thought. He snuck a peek through the van's passenger side mirror. Elliot allowed himself to smile momentarily  
Stuart caught Elliot's grin, "Hang on there, buddy; today's not the day for that"  
Elliot nodded solemnly, and willed himself not to crush Larson's neck right then and there  
Just then, Eli looked up from the sidewalk cracks he'd been inspecting and stared hard at the van, "I see Daddy!" he shouted  
"What?" Kathy glanced around absent mindedly  
Mercifully, the light turned green and the van sped forward. It pained Elliot, but he knew that that moment would have been the worst for his cover to have been blown.  
As the van dashed off, Elliot was lost in thought, "Why was she getting groceries so late? It's much too late for her to be taking him out like this" his thoughts shifted, "at least she didn't leave him alone at home"  
"One more stop" Stuart pulled the van over. The sliding door was wrenched open and another man got in  
"I thought it was just the two of us" Elliot forced a laugh  
"Plans changed" Larson chuckled

At a local cop bar, Brian Cassidy sat slumped over a frothy mug of beer, "I don't know what else to do" he mumbled to no one in particular  
"How about you get off your butt and quit whining" a voice made him look up. But it wasn't the bartender. He turned to his right, "Uh"  
"You're supposed to say, 'Can I buy you a beer?'" she smiled  
"Um" was all Cassidy could say  
She waggled her fingers at him, "Dani Beck, Warrants", she extended her hand


	5. Chapter 5

"Brian's gone, Elliot won't pick up" Olivia shook her head, "where did I go wrong?" she mentally reviewed her past choices in men, "either they're not around for you, there's a conflict of interest or" her voice trailed off. She knew, deep down inside that there was only one man for her. Unfortunately for Brian Cassidy, she also knew it wasn't him. "Then what are we doing here?" she wondered. Olivia hadn't had a chance to play house like other girls in her school. "I'll be the Mummy and you be the Daddy" they'd roped their young male classmates into their games, dangling rewards of cookies and milk under their freckled noses. No, Olivia had been too busy being shunned by her mother and having no recollection of her father. "Is that what I'm doing now?" she leaned back against the kitchen counter, "still playing house, at this age?" she questioned herself. "Maybe that's what it was for all these years too" she rubbed her neck, "Calvin," she smiled when she remembered the drawing he'd made for her in art class. But if this was nothing more than playing house, albeit a far more expensive version of the childhood game, perhaps now was a good time to stop. 'Today Brian had a bloody nose", she rationalized, "tomorrow, what else might I do to him?"

Elliot's mind raced faster than the van's wheels as it drove on into the night. This mission had put him through so much. The biggest crack to his psyche had come when he saw her on the news, Olivia. "Detective held at gunpoint" the newspapers and television reports had flooded the media. It took everything for Elliot not to throw the case just to be there for her. Cragen had called one night, "I know how you feel Elliot, but I don't think I have to remind you how crucial a time this is for this surveillance"  
"With all due respect," Elliot's teeth gritted as he gripped the receiver, "I don't think I have to remind you how crucial a time this is for Liv"  
Cragen sighed, "I understand. Twelve years is a long time. If everything works here, you'll have time to tell her everything"  
"But will she be around for that?" Elliot spoke vacantly  
Unfortunately for Elliot, worrying about Olivia hadn't been the only inner demons he'd had to wrestle with. If Olivia had questioned Brian Cassidy's trysts with prostitutes, Elliot feared the worst if he ever got a chance to tell him what he had been forced into-  
Two years ago, it had happened. One day, before Elliot had gotten his own apartment, one which Stuart had conveniently never asked to be invited to, Elliot had come home to a very nasty surprise.  
"Shit" Elliot had involuntarily blurted when he opened his and Stuart's apartment door, the bag of groceries fell from his hands  
"Shut up" Stuart had hissed at him as he moved to quickly close the ajar door  
"What is this?" Elliot was stunned  
"What do you think it is?"  
Elliot was genuinely at a loss for words. Sitting in front of him, tied to a chair, scared for her life, was a 9 year old girl


	6. Chapter 6

"I thought you weren't ready yet" Elliot had looked shocked at Stuart. But Stuart looked gleefully at his partner as if he was Santa Claus and Elliot was getting exactly what he'd asked for  
Elliot's mind worked in overdrive. He had one shot to make his impromptu plan work, but Stuart had to trust him. Elliot had only done this once before, and that time it was a teenage girl  
"Let me do her in the other room" he nodded towards the "bedroom", a side room with two mattresses on the floor and the men's belongings strewn about  
"Hey yeah" Stuart grinned  
"And you can't watch" Elliot was firm  
"Oh, no, no" Stuart agreed, "I'll let you two have a little "privacy""  
Elliot dragged the chair and girl tied to it, into the next room and deftly shut the door. The little girl was scared out of her mind. She'd been gagged with a filthy bandanna and Stuart had gone to the trouble of tying her shoe laces together, should the hand restraints give out  
"Listen to me" Elliot spoke softly to her, "I'm a police officer. I'm going to take off the gag, but you've got to do what I say"  
The girl sat motionless, wide eyed  
Elliot sighed, "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise" he held up his hands to show he was unarmed, "but you've got to listen to me and do exactly what I say"  
The girl nodded slightly  
"I'm going to have to borrow you pants"  
The girl's eyes widened more and she began breathing hard  
"No, no" Elliot tried to calm her down, "Here" he grabbed a scrap paper piece and dug a pen from his jeans, "When I let you out, just run until you find a police officer and tell them you want to be taken to Special Victims Unit and ask to speak to Captain Cragen. Can you remember that?" he glanced at her while he scribbled down the information.  
The girl nodded feebly  
"Ok" he sighed. Elliot took a towel from the ground and flung it over the girl's hips. He pulled out a pocket knife from his jeans and quickly slit the ropes. Before the girl could move, Elliot had a hand on her shoulder, "Remember, don't run yet. I promise I'll get you out of here alive"  
Finally, the girl calmed down enough  
With her jeans in his hands, Elliot turned them halfway inside out and then cut his own arm, allowing the blood to spill onto the denim cloth. "This will make it look like I've-" Elliot had begun rationalizing his actions, but couldn't force himself to finish his thoughts.  
He turned to the girl, "Ok, I'm going to take off the gag, but you've got to start screaming like I'm hurting you"  
He removed the bandanna  
She immediately started crying and screaming "No! Stop! Don't!"  
"That's good" Elliot's voice was quiet. "Put on your jeans and keep screaming"  
Finally, when he decided Stuart had had enough of his vicarious thrill, Elliot turned to the girl, "hang on"  
She quieted down  
"Now you'll have to lie down. I'm going to pick up you and carry you out, but you've got to remain still and quiet, like you're asleep. Can you handle that?"  
The girl smiled for the first time, "Yeah" she sounded relieved

Olivia paced her apartment, their apartment. Something was gnawing at her mind. She went into the bedroom and pulled out some paperwork from a folder. It was from a case that none of them had worked on, but had come to the attention of Captain Cragen. Olivia rifled back through her notes from that day. The notes jogged her memory,  
A nine year old girl had been escorted to SVU  
"She only wants to speak to Captain Cragen" the uniform shrugged  
Olivia stood up from her desk, "He's a little busy" she smiled at the girl, "I'm Olivia. Do you want to sit down?"  
The girl had seemed shy and scared, but she sat down on a chair next to Olivia's desk  
"Would you like something to drink"  
"Do you have milk?"  
Olivia smiled, "Let's see what we can find" she told the uniformed officer to get a single serve carton of milk  
She turned back to the girl, "Can you tell me your name"  
"Casey" her voice was soft  
Olivia smiled, "I have a – friend who's name is Casey"  
"Is she nice?" the girl warmed up a little  
"Yeah, she is" Olivia had reasoned, "Can you tell me what happened"  
"I have to tell Captain Cragen" she dug her hand into her jeans' pocket and fished out a scrap of paper  
"Could I see that?" Olivia gently put her hand forward. Casey reluctantly handed over the paper. Olivia stared at it. That handwriting, "What happened?" she asked Casey  
"A scary blonde man grabbed me while I was coming out of the bathroom, and said I was a surprise for his friend"  
"Oh" Olivia began writing down some notes on her pad of paper  
"But then when he took me there, his friend didn't want me"  
"Ah"  
"And then he let me go free"  
"The blonde man?" Olivia checked her notes  
"No. The other one, he had dark hair"  
"Um" Olivia wasn't sure how to begin, "Tell me about this other man" she had her suspicions  
"He was tall. And he didn't have a lot of hair" Casey narrated  
"Ok, anything else?"  
"And he looked sad when he looked at me"  
"Sad?"  
"Yeah, like he missed his own kids"  
"Did he say anything about his kids?" Olivia held her breath. This had to be a sign  
"No, he just looked old. Older than my Daddy. When you're that old, you probably have a lot of kids"  
Olivia smiled  
"I bet you have a lot of kids too" Casey smiled for a moment  
Olivia's smile fell. She didn't have to worry about any more embarrassment. The office door opened and Cragen stood in the doorway  
"Detective, how long has she been waiting here?"  
"You were busy, and-"  
"I'll take it from here" Cragen motioned for Casey to enter his office  
"Don't worry" Olivia reassured Casey, "he's really nice"  
"He looks like my old Mr. Potato Head" she stared at the captain. Olivia had let a smile pass on her lips for just a second  
Olivia reread her notes. Back in the bedroom, alone, but strangely unafraid. She'd had her suspicions of who had helped young Casey. Olivia wanted it to be Elliot. She wanted to know that he was out there, helping other people, children, somehow. But if that was true, it meant that Elliot had been mixed up in something horrible. Olivia filed her notes back and leaned back against the bed. She needed him, and she wasn't thinking about Brian Cassidy.


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia sat up in bed with a start and whipped out her notes again. Something she'd written down had sparked a brainwave. Though it had been years since she'd gone over her notes and so many other cases had taken precedence, Olivia had had a nagging feeling that she'd missed something. But at the time, Captain Cragen had spearheaded the investigation for a chance, quietly worked with Casey Novak, but neither of them had mentioned anything to Olivia.  
Now, in the middle of the night, Olivia pored over her notes. She spread out the pages over the queen sized bed. She didn't care about Brian or anything else at the moment. She'd remembered something, and she furiously hunted to locate it.

Across the city, Elliot was furious as well, but for a completely different reason  
"You said it was going to be just you and me" he fumed  
"You sound like a scorned chick" Stuart laughed, "You've had your fun, but now it's time for some real action"  
"Real action" Elliot thought, "how long can I keep him from finding out?" he stared into the darkness ahead of him. He had been incredibly lucky over the past years. Stuart had usually left Elliot to his own devices when he'd taken a child. Elliot, for his part, had left the girls unharmed and had instructed them much as he'd done with Casey, though he hadn't even known her name at the time. The girls, he hoped, had probably found their way to Cragen and were steadily building up a case against Stuart. Now, however, the plot thickened much like the stew he'd forced down earlier that night.

Olivia's eyes flew from page to page. She read, Casey Schaffer, 9, had described her kidnapper as tall, blonde with a poorly cut hair, "It looked like he cut it himself" she had mentioned while Huang, who was on loan from Oklahoma City, while she colored a picture of a Disney Princess.  
Olivia reread the description Casey had given of the "friend" as she'd put it, cropped hair, sad eyes, and that he was older than the kidnapper.  
The case however, hadn't moved very far. Other young girls had mentioned similar accounts of two men, working in pairs or the blonde alone. The stories were the same- the brunette man had let them go free with explicit instructions on where they had to go and who they had to talk to, but the girls couldn't help the detectives locate the place where they'd been taken to.  
"Years had gone by and they're still out there" Olivia sighed, "what have we missed?"  
The case was originally kept under the supervision of Captain Cragen, but as time wore on, he told his best detective about the situation, leaving out Elliot's involvement. Rollins and Amaro had scoured apartment complexes that had fit the girls' descriptions, but always came up empty.  
"Somehow, I know he's got to be part of this" Olivia thought, "But why?" She never dared bring up her question to Cragen, and never mentioned her suspicions to Cassidy.

At the bar, Cassidy tried warding away Beck's advances, as they were  
"You know I'm with someone, right?" he frowned at her  
"Keep your pants on" she laughed, "The world's women aren't after you" she leaned her elbow against the bar and propped her chin on her knuckles, "You know what? I don't see it"  
"Don't see what?" he looked puzzled  
"What she sees in you"  
"Excuse me?"  
"Yeah, come on, word gets around. You and Olivia" she smirked a little when she said the detective's name  
"And who made you the judge of relationships?" he threw the question to her  
"Relationship? That's what you think you have?"  
"Sure" he was confident  
"Please, you're a stop gap"  
Brian looked at her incredulously, "No" he seemed to be tell himself rather than her

"We're here" Stuart pulled the van alongside a nondescript building  
The backseat partner, who had remained silent until now, leaned forward, "Party time!" his voice was like gravel against a gutter  
"This is nothing like what we talked about" Elliot looked confused  
"This is the appetizer" the backseat companion growled  
"Do I want to know?" Elliot forced a joke  
"Enough of this garbage" Stuart sounded aggressive, "Let's get moving, men"

Olivia held the phone receiver to her ear, "Come on, pick up"  
"Liv, do you know what time it is?" Munch sounded out of sorts  
"I do, and you know I wouldn't call up unless this was important"  
"Ok" he agreed, "so what can I do you for?" Munch's humor shone even at this late hour  
"See if the DA's office has anything on that run of kidnappings from a couple of years ago"  
"Uh" he hesitated, "Liv, I can't make any guarantees" he finally replied  
"Just try" she was adamant  
"Does this by any chance have something to do with Elliot?"  
"Why" she was even more alert at the sound of his name, "do you know something?"  
"No, but I had a hunch that's why you'd be calling me so late"  
"Sorry about that, John" she realized her fervor had resulted in quite a disturbance  
"It's ok. I understand how it is"  
"Fourth time's the charm?" she referred to his three failed marriages  
"If I learned anything in all my years" his dry wit came through the phone line, "it's that if it's right, you should go for it"  
"I'm working on that" she smiled


	8. Chapter 8

AN:Abandoned building information from: /2012/05/31/inside-creedmoor-state-hospitals-building-25/  
AN: Fourth Amendment information from: .edu/

"Munch, what possessed you to call at this ungodly hour?" Casey Novak squeezed her eyes shut as she gripped the telephone receiver  
"Olivia, that's who" he was brief, "She's on hold. Look Casey, you've got more clout with the DA than I do, and Olivia needs some information" he was about to continue when Ms. Novak cut him off  
"John, I've been treating water for the last few years" she referred to her three year censure among other events, "Can't this wait until the morning"  
"You know Liv" was all he had to say  
"Yeah, I do" she agreed, "Tell her to hold on"

Elliot stepped into the building. It looked abandoned, and it probably should've been condemned, "Jeez, what is this place?"  
"Not good enough for you?" the backseat driver sneered  
"Lay off him" Stuart scolded, "Elliot here is just getting warmed up"  
"How so?" Elliot was genuinely confused  
"To be honest, I had to test you, buddy"  
"Test me?"  
"Yeah" Stuart gave a lopsided grin, "you thought I was new at grabbing kids"  
"Uh" Elliot wasn't sure how to continue  
"Well, now you know" Stuart nudged Elliot  
"And knowing is half the battle" Elliot blurted  
"What?"  
"Nothing"  
"Sit down" Stuart pushed Elliot onto a metal folding chair, "get comfy"  
"Yeah" the backseat friend chimed in, "the fun's just about to start"

At the cop bar, Cassidy and Beck were strangely deep in conversation  
"Sports?" Brian threw the question  
"Tennis bores me to tears" she confessed  
"Hell, even I heard about your little one on one with Stabler"  
Her face darkened, "That's old news"  
"Maybe to you it is" he grinned

Casey Novak clicked into the conference call, "Olivia"  
"Yeah" Olivia's nerves were already on edge from the late night casework and her own heightened sense of vigilance, even months after her attack  
"Five girls in all" Novak was brief and gave only the pertinent information, "They're all located around an area in Queens" she pulled up a digital readout and relayed the information,  
"Queens" Olivia echoed. Queens meant one thing, Elliot, or at least where he used to live  
"They all seem well to do—" Casey Novak went on, but Olivia had stopped listening,  
"The girls who were let go all said they remember an abandoned building" she interrupted  
"Yeah, but" Casey sighed, "you said that Amaro and Rollins had checked that out. There was no sign that anyone had been there"  
"There's not that many places in Queens" Olivia countered, she put Casey on hold and fed some keywords into her phone  
"There's an abandoned mental hospital"  
"Psychiatric hospital" Casey corrected her, still somewhat sensitive when the conversation turned to anything that might be related to an ex-boyfriend of hers, Charlie  
"Call this a hunch"  
"There's no proof that—" Casey argued  
Olivia cut her off, "Five girls were let go. How many others weren't? It's one of the easiest places to get to in Queens and an ideal place to hide bodies"  
"Fine, it's your life" Novak was tired, "On the upside, we don't have to scrounge for a warrant" she referred to Munch as well as herself, "nobody can say that an unreasonable seizure was done of an abandoned property."  
"Save me the legal lecture" Olivia said her goodbyes and hung up the phone  
Casey Novak sighed, "Abandoned property is property left behind by its owner in a manner in which the owner abandons the possessory interest in the property and no longer retains a reasonable expectation of privacy with regard to the search" she mumbled as she laid back and fell asleep  
"Hello?" Munch listened for any sign of life on the conference call and then hung up


	9. Chapter 9

Elliot found himself bound to the metal chair  
"Ok smart guy" Stuart's smile morphed to a sneer, "who are you?"  
Elliot forced a smile, "Keller, you know that"  
Stuart slapped him hard across the face, "Try again"  
"Who sent you here?" the backseat man frowned  
"What are you guys talking about?" Elliot tried to feign credibility.  
Elliot knew exactly who he was and why he was here. Three years ago had been too long to be undercover, especially on a case like this. Detective John Hawkins had asked him once, when they were both frustrated with the justice department's inability to put rapists away, "So, what are you going to do, quit?"  
Elliot had remembered that when he met with Captain Donald Cragen after he accidentally shot Jenna Fox  
"I can't do this anymore" he put his badge and gun on the table  
"Then don't" Cragen put his hand over the items on his desk  
"Just like that?" Elliot wanted some sort of absolution, but not like this  
"No" Cragen shook his head, "Like this" he moved his hand and pushed some papers across the table, "I don't want to lose one of my best detectives. If you can agree to this, I won't have to"  
"What do I have to do?"  
"You'll go undercover" Cragen began  
"For how long?" Elliot was thinking about his children, but also about Olivia  
"Months, maybe years, depending on how this will pan out"  
"But my kids"  
"You can't tell them"  
"What about" Stabler looked back at the squadroom momentarily, "What about Olivia?"  
"Nobody can know about this. Not even Olivia"  
"I can't do that" Elliot pushed the papers back towards his commanding officer  
"Then take your chances with Tucker at IAB again" Cragen was curt  
"Fine" Elliot's voice was filled with pain. It would hurt to lose his family. It would hurt more to lose Olivia  
In the present, "I can't lose her again" Elliot sighed  
Stuart pistol whipped Elliot's face with a handgun he'd produced, "I don't care"  
"Hang on" Stuart's partner smiled, "Who can't you bear to lose, huh?"  
Elliot remained tight lipped  
"Girlfriend? Kids, maybe" he went on, "Who couldn't you bear to miss seeing one last time?"  
Elliot stared them down

Just outside the cop bar, Cassidy and Beck were far past the niceties, "Wow" Cassidy exhaled when he saw her vehicle  
"It was my husband's old car"  
"Oh" Cassidy took a step backwards  
"He was killed" her face fell dark  
"Oh" his voice lowered as he stepped forward, closer to her, "Mind if I check it out?"  
"Help yourself" she unlocked the driver's door for him

Cassidy and Beck weren't the only ones on the street that night. Away from the bar, Olivia Benson raced through the New York City streets. For a wonder, traffic wasn't at a standstill and her brain was spinning as fast as the hubcaps on her tires.  
"How could I have missed it?" she beat herself up, "All this time, he couldn't have resigned. It's in his blood, it's who he is" she recalled that Elliot had once said that this job and her were all he had left in life. If he hadn't really left SVU, that meant-. She didn't want to allow herself to finish the thought for fear of it coming to the forefront of her mind.

At the abandoned psychiatric hospital, Elliot's hands were tied, both literally and figuratively. If he let out his secrets, he might not live to hear Cragen's reprimands, but he if said nothing, the same fate might occur.  
He'd been sitting with his feet locked to the floor, not by any restraints, but by years of experience in SVU. Years ago, a CSU technician named Dale Stuckey had put Elliot in a similar position and had tortured the detective with a knife. Then, Elliot had worked with Olivia to rile Stuckey and bring down his guard. "Would it work this time?" Elliot thought silently, "there's only one way to find out"  
"Come on" the backseat partner patted Elliot's cheek, "or I'll give you a fresh piercing" he pulled a pocket knife from his jeans and flipped open the blade  
Elliot grinned, "I've seen bigger"  
The partner poked the blade in Elliot's earlobe. The soft flesh pricked easily and the cut stung. Elliot involuntarily flinched  
"Forget about this" Stuart became impatient, "let's just kill him now. One more body won't matter"  
"Nah" the partner ran his tongue over his teeth from behind closed lips, "I want to have some more fun with this one first"  
Elliot flicked his eyes from the two men, down to his feet. He shifted his weight slightly, tilted one of his boots so the inside of the sole lifted slightly.  
"How's this for fun" Elliot straightened his knee like a machine and wedged his boot toe firmly in Stuart's crotch. Momentarily incapacitated, Stuart's knees crumpled under him  
His partner however, took that moment to stab Elliot's chest with the feeble switchblade  
Elliot winced from the shock but not from the small puncture that bled slightly  
Stuart rolled on his side.  
All three men squinted as a car's headlights suddenly shone through the building's broken doorway  
"Elliot" Olivia's voice rang though the night  
"I'm over here" he brandished his foot against Stuart's partner, who seemed unfazed  
"Drop your weapon!" Olivia aimed her gun at the two assailants  
The partner wielded his pocket knife at Olivia. She shot his hand  
The two men lay on the ground, one bleeding, the other, out of action. Olivia ran toward them, making her way around the scattered debris. She rushed to Elliot and unbound his hands  
"Are you alright?" her words tumbled out  
"Yeah" he looked in her eyes, "now that you're here"


	10. Chapter 10

Dani turned to Cassidy as they stopped at a red light, "What's your deal?"  
He frowned, "Excuse me?"  
"You're with her, Elliot's old partner"  
"Olivia" he sighed, "What about it?"  
"You two serious?"  
"I—uh" he faltered  
"I'll take that as a no" she smiled  
"Um" he fidgeted with the radio. An Elton John song came through the speakers,  
"Hold me closer tiny dancer—" he sang  
"I don't think it's going to work out" Brian looked over at Beck  
"How come?"  
"She likes museums and classical things. I'm—" his voice trailed off  
"And you're you" she finished

Elliot sat back in the passenger seat in Olivia's car. The night seemed unreal. These past few years seemed unreal. He looked at her, "I had to do it"  
"I know" she stared at the traffic ahead of her  
"It wasn't easy for me"  
"Of course" she shielded her emotions behind her words. She put on the radio,  
"Count the headlights on the highway" Elton John sang  
The car stopped at a red light. Elliot snapped the radio off, "I know you hate me for leaving, but I want you to know that I didn't do it because I wanted to quit"  
"Then why?" she turned on him, her eyes hard, "didn't you think I needed you?"  
He was quiet for a minute. The light changed and the car started moving forward, "I needed you too" his voice was soft, "you're the longest relationship I've had with a woman"  
"Besides Kathy" she corrected him  
"I don't think that counts anymore"  
"Oh" Olivia realized what he meant  
"She couldn't take it anymore"  
"What happened?" Olivia genuinely wanted to know.  
"I used to think that a relationship was like a house. If a lightbulb went out, you fixed the lightbulb. You didn't go and buy a new house."  
"A lightbulb is replaceable. What if a stairwell broke, or what if the relationship was condemned" Olivia countered. She wasn't just thinking about Kathy and Elliot's relationship, but also her former and current relationships  
"Kathy and my relationship should've been condemned" he realized aloud  
"But you've got the kids" she rationalized  
"Touché"  
The car made a turn, "I'd drop you home, but" her voice stopped abruptly  
"I left everything at my apartment"  
"In Queens"  
"Right"  
"Ok, we'll head there" she turned the car again  
"Olivia" he started  
The moment passed  
The car made its way through the structured maze of the city streets until it stopped in front of an apartment complex  
Elliot opened the door and got out. He shut the door and took a step. The car remained parked next to the curb  
He stopped and turned around. The window rolled down and Olivia looked at him though the opening  
He leaned against the edge of the car door, his crossed arms rested on the top of the rolled down window  
"For you" he looked into her eyes, "I'd crawl over broken glass"


End file.
